Things you should never say to a mom…

Caution, the content below may be vicious and contain some explicit language (it’s just the mood I am in today), for those of you who could care less, please read on.

PullingOutHairBAs a mom for the last 20 something years and still raising toddlers, I’ve pretty much heard it all.   There are somethings you just don’t need to say to a mom.   Read carefully this may just save you from getting rundown down by a red minivan license plate MGJ1227.   So these are some of the top comments that annoy me:

“If that were my child, I’d [ fill in the Blank ]!”
Yes, my child may be lying on the sidewalk floor in the middle of Fifth Ave, having a tantrum, and raising the eyebrow of every passerby, but getting that comment from a complete stranger is enough to make a mom violent.  This actually happened to me when my eldest son was 5 years old. We were late for school and work waiting for the crosstown bus.   I remember trying to talk sternly to my son, telling him to get up from the floor, when I heard this stranger say it. I actually looked up and screamed at the top of my lungs “MIND YOUR EFFIN BUSINESS”.  When I saw the fright in this stranger’s face, I knew I was just out of control.   Advice… walk away (unless you witness some sort of abuse), don’t try to discipline someone else’s child and nobody will get hurt. 

“Just wait – it gets much harder as they get older.”
Does your toddler start out playing with poop and as they get older they eat poop, and get even older they save poop.  It’s such a stupid thing to say.  It’s just like saying “If you think this is bad, things are going to get worse for sure.”   Save your pessimism, timing is everything people.  This is usually said when a mom is using every last ounce of patience and rationality to deal with whatever the current disaster is.   It just makes you an a—hole for saying it and doesn’t make the situation any better.   A true mom friend, without saying a word because she understands what you are going through at that moment, would just get you a glass of wine and put on an hour Sesame Street video for the kids.  Everyone has one of those days and needs one of those kinds of friends. 

“My child was already [ fill in the Blank ] at your baby’s age.”
My husband will occasionally look back a videos and compare what each child was doing developmentally at that time.  Perfectly normal for a parent to notice differences with their own children’s development.  However, when someone outside your family circle comments on it, it’s just rude.  Every child hits their milestones at different times in their development.  I have three kids they all walked and talked at different ages.  Unless you are a doctor of some sort, keep your mouth shut, except if you were specifically asked for your opinion of course.  Some moms will actually say this because they have a little “mom competition” in them and that’s just UGLY.  Yes, it’s time to call you ugly witches out.  Everything is not a competition.   

“Your baby screams or cries a lot.”
Really??? Moms have ears, they don’t lose their hearing after they give birth, I think they are quite aware of this fact.  Do you go to the beach and point out how much sand there is?  By pointing out the obvious, you’re just adding to the noise and the stress.   My youngest cried for the first six months, he was colic, nothing soothe him and no one wanted to hold a screaming crying baby.  It’s hard enough to have the patience to deal with a screamer or a crier. Most moms are just short of uncontrollably shaking the child to death in this situation.   Just don’t add to the stress. 

“Your children sleep with you, that’s not good, you should sleep-train them.”
Warning, never make this comment to moms who are not getting enough sleep, they’re exhausted and extremely cranky, please for your own safety.  Not everyone sleep train their children.  Actually, I am firmly against it (that’s a whole other topic).  F— your sleep book. To each his own.

“I wouldn’t let my child eat that.
Yes, in my house, we do pancake Sundays with tons of syrup & butter, we eat cupcakes, cookies and candy.  My children occasionally eat non-organic meats, French fries, pasta, pizza etc.  But I make sure they get a fruit or vegetable with every meal.  So please just STFU.   I grew up on non-organic meats and vegetables (I don’t think that even existed when I was younger) chef boyardee and soggy canned vegetables and I am perfectly fine.  Not one health issue, I swear.   No need to police what moms are feeding their children.  It’s really none of your business.  

“Are you the mom or the nanny? Oh, your children don’t look like you.”
Okay, once you have realized I am not the nanny, do you really need to further point out my that children don’t look like me.  Seriously…

 “So what do you do?”
Seems innocent enough right? In some cases, not.  When other moms shame you for either working or not working (it can go both ways), it almost always starts with that question.  Every mom works just as hard as the other, for Christ’s sake. No one is sitting around in front of the TV eating bon-bons all day.

Stay at home moms work; the morning shift, the afternoon shift, the night shift, the wee-hours shift.   They are cooks, housecleaners, chauffeurs, stylists, toy fixers, secretaries for our children, home budget managers and butt-wipers. So please, don’t ask if they work, they do all the damn time.   It’s really an unappreciated, thankless job without raises or promotions.   Don’t get me wrong there are many perks too.

Stop shaming career moms.  Most families cannot afford to live on one income.   Moms do what they have to do.  They have not given their children up to the nannies to raise.   That is just ridiculous.  These moms delegate the goings on at home and in office.  Believe me, when these working moms get home from the office, they do the same things all moms do: Care for their children.       

If there is something you want to say to a mom that might be helpful or useful, try: “You know… you’re really doing an amazing job!”   Moms just don’t get enough praise and if you can’t manage that just zip it.

Would love to hear what’s the most annoying things you have heard as a mom or parent.   Please comment below.

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